


it was always you

by literallynoonecares



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, An Eating Out on the Staircase Scene Inspired by Succession, Christmas, F/M, Flashbacks, Jewish Ben Solo, No Pregnancy, Non-Linear Narrative, Praise Kink, Roommates, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, and they were ROOMMATES, brief references to past relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:27:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28202352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literallynoonecares/pseuds/literallynoonecares
Summary: Rey can't fly home for Christmas and her Jewish roommate Ben tries to make the best of it.“You’re too nice to me, Ben. There’s no reason to do all of this.”“Of course there is.”“Ben,” Rey starts.“No,” he raises a hand to stop her.“Listen to me,” he says, the eye contact almost too much for Rey.“After breakfast and you open your present, we’ll go full Jewish Christmas. We’ll go to the movies. And then for dinner, we’ll get Chinese takeout.”She looks up at him and takes in the care and kindness he’s offered her. She flashes through memories of how he looks at her, how his hands will brush against hers accidentally.“I’d rather be your dinner,” Rey jokes.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 18
Kudos: 110
Collections: Reylo Readers & Writers - The Marvellous Moodboard Event





	it was always you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theresonatinglight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theresonatinglight/gifts).



> for the reylo readers + writers marvelous moodboard event! 
> 
> thank you to elle for the moodboard inspiration for this lil smutty holiday fic :) and yes i used this for my agenda jewish ben solo rights

“I still can’t believe how expensive flights are right now. I just wanted to go _home_ for Christmas,” Rey complains to her roommate Ben as she shoves a slice of pizza into her mouth.

“I told you I would buy your flight if you want to go home, Rey.”

“I can’t accept that, Ben. An international flight is too much money. And it’s too late now, anyway. Christmas is in two days.”

“I feel bad,” he says sadly.

“My parents get it. We’re going to FaceTime,” Rey shrugs.

“You’ll get to go this summer,” Ben tells her. 

“I know. There’s just something about London at Christmas. It’s like magical. I’m just complaining. It’s stupid. Ignore me,” she says.

“We can decorate. I’ll even let you put mistletoe up or whatever,” he offers.

Rey suppresses a blush at the idea of mistletoe in their apartment. She’s been attracted to Ben since the day they met in college and Rey has to wonder if he remembers it and if it makes him feel the same way.

🎁🎁🎁

_Rey’s running late for her first final and she figures this makes sense for her -- she’s never been on time for anything in her life._

_She fidgets with her keys and phone anxiously in the elevator down. She pushes past a hoard of people and passes her friends in the lounge with a wave and a promise of seeing them later._

_She brushes past a crowd again and runs into a tall stranger who she curses because holy shit -- he’s kind of hot -- and she’s so clumsy._

_“Hey! Wait!” Someone calls to her._

_She turns on the spot._

_“What?” Rey says with a bite, and backs down when she recognizes the person as Rose’s RA._

_“You were under the mitsletoe. You two have to kiss!”_

_“What?” Rey asks, stunned._

_“You two have to kiss,” the RA points to Rey and the stranger._

_“What?” Rey repeats._

_“Mistletoe!” The RA says._

_“I’m Jewish,” the stranger deadpans._

_“Doesn’t matter. Kiss!”_

_The stranger looks down at her. He leans in and kisses her on the cheek._

_She blushes and says thanks --_ why did she say thanks? _\-- and runs off to her final._

_She thinks of the stranger throughout her final._

_Days later she’s studying in her dorm’s lounge with her friends when Poe calls out a name._

_“Solo! Get over here.”_

_Solo saunters to their table._

_And it’s the stranger from the mistletoe._

_“Have you met Ben Solo? He’s a townie like me,” Poe introduces him._

_Rey’s eyes are bright and wide. He locks eyes with her._

_“Rey. I’m Rey,” she stammers._

_“Hi,” Ben replies. He gives her a soft, knowing smile._

_“Finn,” Finn waves to him._

_“Nice to meet you,” Ben responds._

_“I’m Rose,” she smiles at him._

_“Hi. It’s great to meet you guys. I have to go, I’m late to see Baz.”_

_“I can’t believe you two are still dating,” Poe says._

_“Me neither,” Ben laughs._

_Rey makes a pointed effort not to watch his ass as he walks away._

Of course he has a girlfriend, _Rey laments to herself._

🎁🎁🎁

She moves in with him senior year. She figured she could ignore the fact that she wanted to climb him like a tree. Three years out of college and they still live together. And Rey _still_ thinks about climbing him like a tree almost every day.

She snaps out of her daydream. 

“We don’t have to do anything.”

“Are you sure?” Ben asks, his puppy dog eyes wide.

“Yes,” she replies. 

“I’ll watch a bad Christmas movie with you if you want,” he says.

She can’t help but _giggle_ and she’s internally yelling at herself.

“You’re too good to me, Ben,” she finally says. 

“You deserve it, Rey.” 

Rey sits too close to him as they watch a dumb Hallmark movie. 

She tries to ignore the way she feels when he rests his hand on her thigh.

She won’t deny the fact that she still feels his touch when she’s alone in bed. 

**🎁🎁🎁**

_Rey sits on the curb as she wipes away tears from her face. She’s stranded by choice really. If Snap hadn’t broken up with her in such a fashion so far away from campus, she wouldn’t be here. She just couldn’t stand to drive back to campus with him._

_And Poe isn’t answering his phone. So she calls Ben Solo, the only other person she knows with a car._

_“Ben? Are you there?” She holds backs sobs as he answers the phone._

_“Rey? What’s happening? Are you okay? You sound like you’re crying.”_

_“Can you come pick me up? I’ll send you my location. Snap broke up with me and I couldn’t drive thirty minutes with him and I_ know _it was stupid to say no, you don’t have to tell me that. I’m the idiot sitting on a curb in front of a_ fucking _Red Lobster in the suburbs because I was too stubborn and hurt. But Poe isn’t answering and I’m out of options. I’ll pay for your gas--“ Rey rants and begs._

_“--Rey. It’s okay. Take a breath. Drop a pin. I’ll leave right now.”_

_“Thank you,” her voice is soft, the sobs slowing._

_“It’ll be okay, Rey.”_

_She tries not to cry again._

_He rides up on a motorcycle and Rey’s stomach flips._

_“My dad has my car in the shop,” he says as an explanation for the motorcycle. He offers her a hand to get off the curb._

_Rey is suddenly very aware of the mascara running down her face and her red tear stained cheeks._

_And how Ben has a leather jacket and somehow perfect hair even though he has a helmet in the hand that’s not in hers._

_And now she regrets not going with Snap even more._

_“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made you come. I should have just gone with him,” she blinks away tears._

_He pulls her into a tight hug, squeezing the breath out of her and making her feel so safe for the first time in too long._

_“It’s okay, Rey. That would have been fucking awful. I wasn’t doing anything.”_

_“Thank you,” she says against his chest. She tries not to think about the fact that she left a stain from her tears on his shirt._

_He grabs a second helmet and secures it on her head._

_“There,” he pats the top of her head and she almost loses it. “Have you rode on a motorcycle before?”_

_“No.”_

_“I’ll keep you safe. Just hold on tight, okay?”_

_“I can do that.”_

_It’s the first time in seven months Rey feels free._

**🎁🎁🎁**

He paces around the living room and stops in front of her. She sits on the couch, eating chips and not caring about getting crumbs everywhere. She pours herself another glass of wine and offers one to him. He accepts with a nod. 

“I’ve been thinking all day about how I can make tomorrow special for you.”

“You don’t have to do anything, Ben.”

“No, I do. I know that Christmas means a lot to you and I wish you could be with your family. Instead you’re stuck with a Jew who has no idea how to make Christmas special.”

“It’s okay, Ben, really,” Rey insists. She smiles, trying to convince him and herself that she means it.

“So I don’t know how to make Christmas special besides watching _The Holiday_ tonight because I know you love that movie -- but I figure tomorrow we can wake up and I’ll make you breakfast and you can open your present.”

“You didn’t have to get me a present,” Rey huffs. 

“Of course I did!”

“Well I didn’t get _you_ one and now I feel bad,” Rey slinks back into the couch and crosses her arms. 

“Don’t,” he says so firmly Rey thinks it’s almost a command. 

“It’s unfair.”

“It’s not,” Ben insists. 

“You’re too nice to me, Ben. There’s no reason to do all of this.”

“Of course there is.”

“Ben,” Rey starts. 

“No,” he raises a hand to stop her. 

“Listen to me,” he says, the eye contact almost too much for Rey.

“After breakfast and you open your present, we’ll go full Jewish Christmas. We’ll go to the movies. And then for dinner, we’ll get Chinese takeout.”

She looks up at him and takes in the care and kindness he’s offered her. She flashes through memories of how he looks at her, how his hands will brush against hers "accidentally".

“I’d rather be your dinner,” Rey jokes. 

**🎁🎁🎁**   
  


_Rey’s too drunk. She forces herself to sit down at a booth on the edge of the dance floor and chugs water._

_She watches Poe and Finn on the dance floor and waves to them, showing them she’s okay._

_She grimaces at the sight of two people making out on the dance floor --_ it’s more like they’re eating each other’s faces, _she thinks to herself._

_The couple turns slightly, still moving with the music and Rey gasps. It’s Ben Solo. Making out with a random girl. He broke up with Baz a week ago and Rey had convinced herself it had something to do with her. She convinced herself that he had felt something for her and that they’d finally get together._

_She thinks she’s going to be sick. She notices Ben break away from the girl to catch his breath and he sees Rey out of the corner of her eye. She doesn’t look away fast enough and they make awkward eye contact. Rey storms out of the bar, unable to face him._

_She doesn’t notice he runs after her._

🎁🎁🎁

_“I’d rather be your dinner,” Rey jokes._

“Don’t make suggestions you don’t intend on following through,” Ben warns. He stops pacing. His eyes narrow and focus in on her. 

“Who said I didn’t intend on following through?”

“Rey.”

“I’m not kidding,” she says. 

“Are you serious?”

“Are you going to kiss me or what?” Rey goads. 

He takes her by the hand and stands her up. 

Ben takes Rey’s face in his hands. He kisses her and she melts into his touch. There’s a hunger between them and they seem set to devour each other. 

They stumble out of the living room, a wordless agreement to move to a bedroom. She drags Ben behind her with his hand in hers.

“I can’t wait,” Ben says. He pushes her down gently and she leans back on the stairs. It’s a frantic but controlled energy.

“Ben! What are you doing?” Rey exclaims. 

“Relax,” he says as he pushes up her dress and slides off her underwear.

“Ben,” Rey says again. 

“I can’t wait to eat your pussy.” His breath is hot against her skin and she blushes. 

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” he says. 

“I’ve wanted you for so god damn long, Ben.”

He uses that as his cue. A hand flies to her hip and holds her down on the stairs. The other spreads her legs open. 

He sucks on her clit and it sends her into oblivion. 

“Fuck, _fuck_. Ben,” she whines, unable to say more than a few words between sharp breaths. “ _Shit_. This feels--“

“Tell me,” he breathes against her cunt in between licks. 

“So fucking good. _Don’t_ stop. Fuck.”

“You taste so fucking good,” he says as he starts to finger her while his tongue still works her clit. 

“You’re so good for me, Rey. Such a good girl,” he encourages her. 

“Ben, _fuck. Please. More_ ,” she begs. 

He abides. 

“Come on my face, Rey,” he commands. 

She does. It’s unlike anything she’s experienced before --maybe because it’s _Ben_ of all people between her legs -- and she’s wanted this for years. 

Her legs shake and she’s not even sure she can make it up the stairs. Ben must realize this -- _he knows her too well_ \-- because he scoops her in his arms and carries her the rest of the way up the stairs.

She sees stars.

He deposits her on his bed and kisses her. She tastes herself on his lips and she’s heady and light. He takes off her dress so she’s completely naked and kisses her breasts. 

And then he sits up and stops touching her. 

“Rey, I don’t want to fuck.”

“Oh?” Rey’s crestfallen. She finally had what she wanted and she somehow fucked it up. She crosses her arms and wants to disappear.

“No, _fuck_ \-- that came out wrong. You’ve drank a lot. I don’t want to do this for the first time when you’re drunk. I’ve waited for you for so fucking long. I can wait another day.”

Rey purses her lips together. 

“You’re so fucking good, Ben.”

“Go to bed, Rey. I’ll wake you up in the morning.”

He kisses her forehead and walks her to her room. She hangs on his arm. His hand lingers linked with hers for too long before he drops it and slinks out her room.

**🎁🎁🎁**   
  


_“Thanksgiving is a weird concept,” Rey remarks on the drive to Han and Leia’s._

_“I don’t disagree,” Ben says._

_“Thank you for letting me come home with you, though. It’s always kind of sad to spend it alone at the dining hall.”_

_“Of course, Rey. You’re always welcome. My parents will probably love you more than they love me,” Ben laughs._

_“I hope so,” she teases._

_Dinner goes off without a hitch and Leia can’t believe Rey thoughtfully got her her favorite wine --_

_“And I know my son was no help,” Leia says._

_“You’re right,” Rey replies with a smile._

_It’s dessert that goes awry._

_In between bites of pie Leia asks, “So how did you two meet?”_

_Ben and Rey exchange a glance and snicker._

_“Through Poe,” Ben supplies. But Ben knows better than to think his mom didn’t catch the exchange between him and Rey._

_“Ah, of course.”_

_“And how long have you been dating?” Leia inquires, an eyebrow raised._

_It’s almost in unison, they way they quickly stammer “oh, no -- we aren’t -- we’re not dating”._

_“Ah. Of course.”_

_“Leia, you know the kids these days never like to put a label on things. Leave them alone,” Han interjects._

_“We aren’t--“ Ben begins._

_“It’s okay, Ben. I’m sorry I brought it up. You two are just so sweet together,” Leia comments._

_Rey looks over at Ben and smiles at the fact that he’s blushing just as hard as she is._

🎁🎁🎁

Rey wakes up to Ben kissing her forehead. She can hear Christmas music playing in the living room.

“I made you tea and breakfast.”

“Thank you, Ben.” She’s sleepy and her smile reflects that, which Ben beams at. 

“Come on, sleepyhead,” he messes up her hair even more and practically drags her out of bed.

Neither of them mention the underwear left on the stairs. 

He nuzzles behind her as she scarfs down waffles with too much whip cream for Ben’s taste -- 

"What are you, Buddy the Elf?" he chides. 

She was just proud he made a reference to a Christmas movie.

It was twelve when Ben finally convinced her to open her gift. 

“I still feel bad I didn’t get you anything,” she says quietly. 

“Honestly, knowing that you feel the same way about me as I do you is present enough.”

“You’re a sap,” she smacks his chest. 

“Of course I am. A sad, neurotic sap. That’s the Jewish way.”

“It’s cute,” she comments. 

“Unwrap your gift.”

“Okay, okay.” 

He passes it to her and she notices how meticulously wrapped it is. She tears the paper with abandon anyway.

She opens the box and gasps.

“Ben, these coats cost an insane amount of money. Are you kidding?”

“You’ve had the same coat since freshman year. It’s not nearly warm enough. You needed a new one.”

“You didn’t have to spend this much money on me,” Rey insists. 

“You deserve nice things. And a warm coat.”

_You deserve nice things._

She does, doesn’t she?

“Or do you just like wearing a thin coat so when we were out you had an excuse to huddle next to me?”

She swats him again. 

“Oh, shut up. Thank you, Ben. It’s beautiful,” she replies and kisses him on the lips.

Ben turns on a fake fireplace on Netflix and plays Christmas music as they lie next to each other and take time to explore each other’s bodies with a new found interest and reverence. 

She FaceTimes her family in England and she introduces them to Ben, who puts up with her mother’s line of questioning with ease.

It’s as close to a perfect Christmas as Rey could imagine.

Ben keeps them on time -- he reminds her they have movie tickets, at her favorite theater no less -- and they need to leave. 

Rey struggles against him leaving her side. 

“Come on, Rey. It’s tradition,” he says.

He tosses on his leather jacket and she tightens her old plaid coat around her waist. 

“You ready?”

“Yeah,” she says. 

“You’re not going to wear your new coat?” Ben questions. 

She shakes her head. 

“Always the stubborn one,” he laughs.

He throws her her helmet and she swings her leg over the motorcycle with ease. 

_In another time they are the two people outside of a Red Lobster. A girl who had never rode a motorcycle. Who put her trust in this man. And now she basically knew how to drive it herself. But she still puts her trust in him. What a world._

They hold hands like teenagers after they finish their popcorn. Rey’s certain Ben spends more time looking at her reactions than the movie itself.

He orders arguably too much Chinese food for the two of them, but she doesn’t complain. She watches him secure it on the bike and wraps her hands tight around his waist. 

After they’ve had their fill, Rey quips, “I thought I was going to be your dinner.”

“You can be my dessert instead,” he says and Rey knows the wheels are turning in his head.

“What do you have planned?”

“You’ll see,” he says and heads up the stairs.

“We made it up the stairs today, good for us,” Rey jokes.

“It’s because I’m not walking behind you,” he calls from the top of the stairs.

Rey blushes and _knows_ she’s wet.

She follows him into his bedroom and he pounces on her, kissing her with the same desperation from the night before.

They toss their clothes to the side with urgency. 

Ben takes one of her breasts in his mouth, laying her down on the bed and settling between her thighs. She moans as his fingers start to caress her slit, sliding inside her with ease. 

“You’re so fucking wet already,” he says as he switches to the other breast. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” she says as he slides in another finger and starts curling inside her. “Fuck, Ben. Please, you feel so good. I want you so badly,” she mumbles almost incoherently.

“That’s it, sweetheart. You’re so good.”

His mouth is on her neck now, sloppily kissing every inch of her as he brings her closer to orgasm.

“Don’t stop, please, _please_. I want to come,” she begs. 

And she can feel him smile against her neck as he continues his pace until she’s clenching around his fingers and shaking. 

He has her clean off his fingers with her mouth and Rey’s heart rate never slows.

He leans over to his nightstand and grabs a condom and she watches as he rolls it on, his eyes cast down at his cock. She inches her hips down and he settles himself at her entrance and guides himself in. She gasps as he fills her, 

He fucks her slow at first. Rolling his hips and savoring her. And then he picks up the pace and it's like he's splitting her open.

She sinks her nails into his back and scratches and holds onto him like she’s never done before. She digs into his back and it’s like she claims him for herself.

She can’t get enough of him. She can’t pull him closer to her. He doesn’t seem to mind. He revels in the feel of her. He comes with a startled thrust and her name on his lips. 

He throws the condom in the garbage and kisses in the side of her thighs and her stomach. 

She kisses his cheek and rolls off the bed. She comes back from the bathroom and returns under the covers, resting against the headboard and watching Ben start to dress.

Ben contorts his body to look at his back in the mirror. He takes stock of the scratches Rey left. His lower back is covered in scratches and nail marks. 

“You certainly made your mark,” Ben teases.

“Couldn’t help it,” she shrugs. 

“Are you a brat or what?” Ben jumps on the bed and starts to tickle her. 

“Stop!” Rey shrieks through laughter. 

“Because you asked so nicely,” he says and stops, but pulls her into a hug instead. 

“Are you going to tell your parents about us?” Rey asks feigning innocence, a mischievous grin appearing on her face.

Ben groans. 

“I didn’t even _think_ about that. They’re going to be so smug.”

“Yeah, almost as smug as Poe will be.”

Ben groans _again_ and lies back on the bed, scrambling for Rey’s hand to take her down with him. 

**Author's Note:**

> comments & kudos appreciated as always! 
> 
> follow me on twitter  
> and check out some of my other works you might be interested in:  
> the cost of business — a blackmail dub con fic
> 
> I heard the bells — for the reylo hallmark movie collection
> 
> want you next to me — a smutty one shot (best friend’s sister/roommates)
> 
> control (to get what I want) — a CNC one shot
> 
> love me at the ungodly hour — an edging/orgasm delay fic


End file.
